brighter than sunshine

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brighter than sunshine

Assalamu’alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu

hijaabi:

Jazakum Allahu khair for reading my revert story, how I found my light and what i think about Islam. I ask permission to Allah s.w.t that He allow me to share what I had in the past. InshaAllah. I had this thinking to write about my story several times already but honestly, i dunno where and how to start Mashaallah. I’ll try my very best to deliver my words accurately. I am no expert in English so please be kind while reading. After you read this, I ask you to be patient and keep this to yourself. So here goes my story..

I am enrolled in a  Catholic School run by Jesuits since High School up to College. I grew up here in the Philippines where the majority are Roman Catholic. My Family are Roman Catholic and my other relatives are Iglesia ni Kristo. I became curious about Islam when I was in my junior year in College. Year 2009. I had a few Muslim friends and sometimes I accompany them in our prayer room in School and wait outside while they are praying. That time, I was certainly lost. It was inevitable for me to stay away from all the worlds pleasures. Fun and enjoyment was all there.

Meanwhile, I told a friend how curious I am in their religion and told me that Islam is not just a religion. It is a way of life. I will never forget how she said it thru text. I told her I dunno why some people see you as “bad people” when I see a lot of positive things about you. And she replied, “Buotan man ang tnuod na Muslim, Chang”. I started searching about Islam. I learned the basics, the pillars, haraams, do’s and don’ts and etc. That was the time I felt terrible because I didnt know what I want. There’s a weird feeling inside. Don’t I get tired of this kind of life??? Am I going to die just like this?? I asked myself.

One time I went home. I went to bed. Right then and there I cried. I was crying because I was tired. I had so many friends but when I come home its weird cause I honestly still feel alone. Then I texted a friend. Considering nothing except what I was actually feeling during that night. I told her that I want to embrace your religion. I wanna be a part of Islam. I think it was a Saturday. She was shocked hearing it for the first time but @ the same time she was also very happy. She told me she’ll ask her relatives how to revert because she has no idea. The following Monday, I was so excited. I prepared myself for the Shahadah. I can’t believe what I am willing to do on that day. It was the 24th of January 2011. We went to a local Masjid (Oro Jamah) but it was closed. We lost our hope. Until I saw what I saw!! “BALIK-ISLAM INFORMATION”. (balik-Islam means revert). We went there with my friend and found out that the whole family who resides there are all reverts. Mashaallah! The mother was a niqabi and her young daughters as well, they also memorized the Qur’an already. And there I was, taking my first step towards Islam. Listening to what she’s saying about the basics of Islam and it’s real beauty. She was the first one who taught me how to perform Wu’du properly. Mashaallah. We performed Shahadah declaring that there is only one God and that is Allah and Muhammad is the seal of all the Prophets and they we’re all like crying including my close friend. From that moment, I felt proud. I don’t know how else can I define the exact emotion I felt during that time but for sure I was never ashamed that I am a Muslim.

Sadly, I could not just go home and tell my parents, “Heyy Mom your daughter is now a Muslim!”. I was unprepared and scared. I did not go home for how many weeks. I sent a letter to my parents and when I found out that they already got the letter, I was really scared and still did not went home. But when I was already prepared to meet them, I was happy because they accepted me. :) I started removing images in my room and statues because I learned that those statues we’re not real and could not even help me whatever problems I have. It was made unjust to our Prophet Isa and to his mother, Maryam (Peace be upon Them). Not mentioning that making yourself any carved image of any likeness here on Earth is also forbidden in Christianity. Its written in Exodus by the way.

Anyway, I stayed in my dormitory few days after my reversion. People in my dormitory drew their faces while looking at me because there was a scarf hanging on my shoulder. But I did not care. My dormitory was a racist. Yess I’ve said it. They do not allow Muslims to stay in their dorm. I mean, to live or rent or whatsoever. But in my case, they allow me because I was not a newbie in the dormitory. But still I voluntarily packed my bags and decided to leave that dorm. How can I live there with all those people?! With my religion being stepped down? Subhanallah!

I lost a lot of friends because of my decision to become a Muslim. But I’ve never been happier in my life. ALLAH azza wajjal showed me who my real friends are and gave me soooo many ukhtis!

I stopped doing evil deeds and weeks after I decided to wear proper hijaab. My family accepted and respected me. Alhamdulillah. Some Muslim sisters and brothers who knew I reverted even though we were not really close gave prayer garments. Alhamdulillah! They gave books and everything. They we’re all so amazing and wonderful. (I cant type all your names here for being scared that I might forget someone)

Due to that, I learned that real friends are not just those who accompany you every day, or every night. Real friends are those who love you because they know you love Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala more than anything else. Real friends are those who teaches you a lot of things about God, and what could be more beautiful than prostrating to Allah s.w.t with your beautiful Muslimah’s? Mashaallah. Alhamdulillah! There is really no God but ALLAH!

Now when I look back at the times I was out of my path, I feel awful. I mean, I could not honestly define here how horrendous my life was. I was someone who my parents would not be proud of. My past. It is indescribable. I thought that life is too short so i’d go waste my time and enjoy it. Astagfirullah.

When I became a Muslim I knew about the day of Judgment. Now tell me why should I not weep? :’(((( Now I feel terribly ashamed of myself and most importantly to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. When people look at me now because of my hijaab, I don’t care. I dont mind them looking at me because I am covered. My hijaab is not just a covering, it is my identity and attitude. I’d rather let them look at me wearing hijaab than look at me with a nude eye.

My true happiness started when I became a Muslim. I’m so much in love with my religion now && Praying especially prostrating, learning about Islam, reading Prophet Muhammad’s (s.a.w) life are the things that make me happy now. I struggle since day one. ISLAM changed me. Being a Muslim is really hard, you have to sacrifice a lot of things, to give up material happiness but you know what, the reward of being a Muslim could not even weigh anything here on Earth. I’ll tell you, you will never ever gain real happiness unless you submit your will to Allah s.w.t. And that what Islam is. To struggle here on earth to reach our final destination, which is the Akhira and I pray to Allah s.w.t that He will make it easy for us in the Hereafter in shaa Allah.

My name is now Khadijah. No longer Cyrille.

I am veiled. No longer uncovered. 

Masalaam♥

If I were your friend before you converted, I wouldn’t have left you. I might’ve even supported you. Islam is beautiful and just like any other religion, it is a way of life. I’m always at odds with people (including my entire family) who think all Muslims should be annihilated. They think Islam is evil and Muslims are worshippers of evil. They call you ugly, uneducated, uncivilized, undeserving of any compassion, etc etc while I think otherwise.

I admit, I do think that some Muslims (the terrorists ones, to be specific) should be punished but I’m not judging them because of their religion. I’m judging them because of the horrifying sins they’ve committed. Sin does not choose a religion. Whether you’re a Muslim or not, if you have sinned, then you have sinned. There are no loopholes when it comes to that. So when a Christian man rapes women, he is no better than a Muslim man who kidnaps children.

I’m a Christian and that will stay the same but I don’t believe Muslims, Buddhists, etc are my enemies. I view each and every one the same. Why should a Christian be superior to a Muslim? Why should a Christian be given privileges not available to Muslims? Why should Christians deprive Muslims of anything? Who are we but just mere creations of God, just like everybody else? Who are we to play God?

I, for instance, is just like the Muslim kid two houses away who struggles with loneliness and insecurity (not to mention we’re both broke). You see, life does not take sides.

In the end, we are all human beings, in need and equally worthy of love and compassion. There are no loopholes to that. When we die, the worms will not stay away from Christians just because they’re Christians. They will devour every body regardless of religion.

Sadly, I think I’m one of the few who actually think this way. Almost everybody else is consciously or unconsciously a racist. People find it easier to judge or blame others than to look at themselves.

In this post: HOORAY FOR WALLS OF TEXT  my views actually goes to LGBT as well  
December 30 at 11:57pm via marhabbah
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    days ago at work...Philippines (on vacation)...we were both...
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    reading her revert story. Every...should read this. No
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    were your friend before...wouldn’t have left you....might’ve...
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